I never know where to start when I come back here. This is like my link to the past. Somewhere I go when i'm feeling lost or down. The kids are doing great. Alex has been a great help around the house. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a corner and never come out. I'm feeling down today because even though I tried to keep all doors closed on my heart someone was aloud axcess without my permission. I new it was happening and I also new where it would end. Why is it we cant keep all people out if we dont want to be touched that way. I am usually good at keeping people at arms length. I have learned to control my emotions and not let them be free. So I am very confused to the fact that I have aloud someone a piece of my heart. It has to be aloud because I dont see how someone can just take it away. Anyway all is well, guess its time to put the walls up higher and start dating again. I just hope i can have fun and learn not to let people in. Today is day one again in the stop smoking world. Lets see if I have the willpower to do it. I know I do its just how much I love myself is the question. I know I can do this for my kids. Because they are the only thing that matters anymore and I need to learn to care for them more. These are the ones that need my heart.

January

OK where do i start. I have been meeting new people. This is fun and exciting. You can never have to many friends. I have tried eel, and squid. Won't do that again. I am having lunch today with Judy. Most of you know we are going on vacation together this year. I am so excited about a real vacation. I don't care were it is. Lindsey and I are going shopping Sunday to see if just maybe I can find a new outfit. Good luck with that huh. Never know when I might need something nice. Well, I need to get ready for the day. I have a lot to do and little time to do it in. I will check back soon.

Hello

OK, where have I been and what is going on in my life now. I will probably miss a lot. But those of you who are close to me see me daily and know most of this anyway. Lets see, I haven't been here since before the holidays. So I will try to remember what i can. November, we went to my moms for lunch and spent most of the day there. We went to the kids grandmothers house for dinner. Then went home, i was glad it was over and it wasn't to bad. I don't remember a lot so i may put in some later.
December: New puppy month I got Darcie at the human society. She is part Boston terrier and part beagle. Very lovable and fun to have around. I'm not sure if i have mentioned Milo. Milo is my daughters kitten she found. Poor Milo was getting dressed and going every where. I didn't think this was good for a cat. So I helped him out by buying Darcie. Her name is now princess. Alex got his wolf puppy for Christmas. What a beautiful puppy it is. He got him at 5 wks old. I got lonely so I had also bought some finches around this time also. I love birds they are comforting. Alex got a car that he doesn't have to make payments on. He was still living with friends.
Kaela had me put the Christmas tree up so she could decorate it. This was depressing to me so i put it up and that was that. She put a few ornaments on it but never finished. i did do a lot of things outdoors. It took me several days to get the lights up on the house. I bought a pole to do it with so i wouldn't have to use a ladder. but if the pole would shift the lights would all come tumbling down. Alex and I went shopping . I got a little crazy on yard ornaments. we came home and he helped me put it all up until he had to go to work.
Amber got me into an online dating sight. I have to thank her for some of the excitement in my life. I love are outings, I never know what I might get to eat.
We had Christmas at the hazell's it was OK. I didn't think i was going to go. But it turned out OK. We had Christmas eve at the Vaughan's. That went really well. We had Christmas at my house and than at my moms. I think the best part was Alex stayed the night. I had both of my kids with me. I had a special guy to talk to at this time. He helped make it easier to get threw the holidays. I even spent new years eve with him. What a way to bring in the new year, other than with a new friend. I am sure there is a lot i am skipping so bare with me. I have a hundred things I need to be doing. But what am I doing. Sitting on the computer as usual. Lindsey is like a daughter to me I guess you could say. I think a lot of her. She has brought a lot into my life also. I always love the new books. Twilight is the newest one. She bought it for me for Christmas. I'm dying to get it read so i can go see the movie. I'm sure there is more to be said and i will try to pop in more often. so this is it for the holidays for now.

Things about my family

Hi there again. Most of my post will be about Kaela and I. We like to do things together but of course we don't always agree. I love to go for walks. She prefers not to. My kids and I go bowling every tuesday. We recently purchased balls, shoes, and bags. So I hope they don't get to tired of bowling. But theres not alot to do in the winter anyway. We like to go fishing and deer hunting. Kaela changes her likes monthly if not weekly. Kaela and I have a nice collection of webkins. Which we will take pictures of and do more post about later. I think the main reason I started blogging is to help people that have someone that has cancer. My goal in life now is to try and help others. My kids will always be number one. I seen someone carrying alot of stuff out to there car when I was leaving the hospital one day. I was doing as always. Hurrying right on by when a voice inside said what is your hurry they look like they need help. So I stopped turned around and offered my assistance. It was declined but for me it was a good feeling anyway. We need to stop and think of others more often. Take time and smell the roses they say. If we hurry threw life and the end comes what did we gain. My life is more about work and paying bills. But since the death of my husband I have learned a valuable lesson. You can work and buy nice things but if you work your whole life you never enjoyed them. The most important thing I missed out on working all the time was my family. Because I was never home. So I think this post is more of letting people think about where there life is, and what if you lose that someone you love. I dont work as much now i try to spend more time with my kids and parents. Im not perfect out will I ever be. But I love God and my family. Show people that you care about others and it will give you happiness.

About bowling

I wish I new how to work my pictures but i will have to work on that. Kaela was doing really good this week. I think she almost got 50 points. Alex and I were having an off week again. We couldn't even get 100. How ever I won all three games and did get 99 points on the last one.

Plants

Alex and I love Plants. In the winter I go clearence happy. I have a jungel in my kitchen. This is new for Alex. So next year I have to repot again so that i can give him pieces of my plants. For him it started with a water lilly that had some other kind of flowers in it. I told him the flowers didnt belong to that plant but he said thats ok. So this is something I can relate with. I go to Lowes or Walmart just to look for plants. I let kaela pick out some floweres to go on the bar and she picked pink roses and carnations. These are cut flowers but very pretty. A few days later I bought a christmas cactus. I don't have good luck with these but I'm trying. Anyway when I put it on the bar, I noticed we are going pink. We have a pink water lilly against the wall behind them and I have some pink flowers on the bar at the end. This was odd because pink is not a big thing in our house. I just put a couple of new plants yesterday that the cat loves. One is like a tree and the other one is a big green plant. I'm hoping to be able to separate them and give Alex a piece of both. I dont know the name of most of the plants. I just love plants them selves. But it is probably because I love the outdoors.

Webkinz

Kaela and her webkinz. Kaela loves to be online. So toys that say go online are her thing. Anyway the start of webkinz. We went to the mall and bought ONE. She came home and got online. This is a cute game for kids. Well online it tells all the stores where you can buy them. So this became a one day shopping trip at least monthly if not more often. Her grandmother was giving her twenty dollars a week for cleaning house. We went to one store and they had a sell buy one get one. Well I like sales so I went all out. Needless to say I have about twenty or so webkinz in the closet that she was supose to pay for later and a discounted price. But she always wanted the new ones at the store. Her biggest love is horses. So she bought all of the horse ones and then she went from there. I think between the ones in the closet and the ones she has the are between thirty and fifty. The only problem is she likes to give them a bath. Stuffed animals do not do well in the tub.

Pony club

This is a magazine we got some where. It is great for kids who love horses. She gets a box in the mail every month. There are two or three books, comic magazine, Sometimes minature horses. She has gotten jewlery, erasers, riding gloves, book covers pencel sharpener and lots of other things. She wants a real horse and we are looking into it. My parents said they would keep it for her. I think its just a mothers worry is why i havent tryed very hard on getting one.

Alex lives on his own so I cant tell you alot about him. He like to play games. He wants a new tv and computer which i'm thinking about. I'm just glad I can do the plant thing with him.

Now about halloween

Kaela decieded she wanted to stay home this year and hand out candy. So thats what we did. I think this was the best year for her. We didnt carve pumpkins but we did decorate the yard. We always go to the zoo. Which is getting boring. They are open less each year which means more people are pushed into there at one time. People are always in a hurry pushing and such that it makes it hard to enjoy. But I do it for the kids. Kaela and I did the halloween clearence shopping so we got some cool new things for next year.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed reading I will be back soon.

1989-2008

I met Michael around the summer of 89. He had just got out of the army. I met him threw a friend of mine. Which was his cusion. We were together a short time before we were both living with his grandmother. We rented a house after a few months. Michael had alot of friends. I was not really the social type so I dont have many friends just co workers. We were just average people trying the best that we could. In 1990 we decided to have kids. It took 6 months by which time we had given up trying. After concieving we decided that we should probably get married. So in december of 90 we got married. Alex was born in 91. We never had alot of things or money but we had each other. You never apprieciate what you have until its gone. Money can be an evil for all people. When you have bills money can cause people to fight all the time. Luck came our way when Michaels aunt had a very small house that she didnt want anymore. So we took over the payments and lived there for over ten years. Kaela came along 9 years after Alex. That was a miracle to us because we thought we wouldn't have anymore kids. But we had Alex and that would have been enough. But the lord saw that it was time to add a baby girl to our lives. She has been a challenge since the second week that I was pregnant. I was sick the whole nine months. But it was well worth it. Alex was always a good child. But for the blessings in our lives we must learn from them. Kaela is always teaching me new things.
Michael and I bought a new house in 2007 a buitiful house to us three bedroom in a nice neiborhood. Michael was very proud of it. We were finally starting to get are debts taking care of so we wouldn't have to stuggle anymore just to get by day to day. In May of 08 Alex moved out to be on his own. In June of 08 our dog Silk, who was Michaels pride and joy passed away at about the age of 15. He was a rottweiller that everyone loved. This broke Michaels heart. Around the beging of July Michael was diagnosed with lung cancer. Once he was diagnosed it was a battle from day one. He got sick was in and out of the hospital. he went in to ICU for about a week his lungs shut down. We were gave a miracle and he survived his lungs shutting down after the doctors said he wouldn't. He got to come home for three days and be with his family. He went back in for an infection. He wasn't strong enough at that time to fight it. He was in the hospital about another week. Michael passed away on September 26th 2008. He never got to enjoy his life because it was always about working and trying to pay the bills. I wish now as do many others that we would have taken the time to enjoy things. I was not the perfect wife far from it. He was not the perfect husband. But we were perfect for each other. I now have a nice house and things that are paid for. But I lost the one thing that ment the most to me, Michael. I will always love him and he will always be in my thoughts and heart.

I will continue to jump around in dates though out my blogging. I'm not good at sticking to one subject. I do like to talk and could tell people alot about life. I have learned alot from Michael. When he was with me and when he left me. I hope to help people out if they ever need it. God does what he knows is right. I understand that Michael did what he was sent here to do. I do not know what that was or will I ever know. But I believe that now it is time for me to help others anyway I can.
I have had a hard life and a good life. If you would have asked me a year ago I would tell you my life was not good. There are things I could say but won't because I do have family and friends that I dont think need to know everything about me. But I have had many things in my life that I could probably talk to you about. If you need someone to talk to about anything. I'm here I can give advice but I can't make up your mind. My husband was a good man. So if that is your problem I'm sorry I can't give much advice on that. But I'm here for you. Haveing people around you is what helps us get threw are lives day to day. I have been fortunate to have married a great man even though at the time I didn't think so. Now I know how wrong I was. I also know God will not give you things that you can not handle. I thank God that we were gave the extra time to forgive each other for our faults and that we could be there together when God took Michael. I know Michael is needed somewhere else now and his job here was done.

My life

This is about my life and the people around me. I'm not sure were this will go if anywhere. I was in the hospital with my husband. The people that I would talk to in the waiting room said I should write a blog. So here I am. I'm a simple peson so I don't have any fancy talk. My spelling is a little off at times. I don't do paragraphs and my sentences may run on forever. I will start my blogging from the time I met my husband until now. This is for people that maybe I can help some way or another. My name is Shirley, my husbands name was Michael. We have two kids Alexander who is 17 and Kaela who is 8. Michael is truly loved and missed. He passed away after a short battle with lung cancer. Michael was 39 at the time of his death.