I never know where to start when I come back here. This is like my link to the past. Somewhere I go when i'm feeling lost or down. The kids are doing great. Alex has been a great help around the house. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a corner and never come out. I'm feeling down today because even though I tried to keep all doors closed on my heart someone was aloud axcess without my permission. I new it was happening and I also new where it would end. Why is it we cant keep all people out if we dont want to be touched that way. I am usually good at keeping people at arms length. I have learned to control my emotions and not let them be free. So I am very confused to the fact that I have aloud someone a piece of my heart. It has to be aloud because I dont see how someone can just take it away. Anyway all is well, guess its time to put the walls up higher and start dating again. I just hope i can have fun and learn not to let people in. Today is day one again in the stop smoking world. Lets see if I have the willpower to do it. I know I do its just how much I love myself is the question. I know I can do this for my kids. Because they are the only thing that matters anymore and I need to learn to care for them more. These are the ones that need my heart.