I never know where to start when I come back here. This is like my link to the past. Somewhere I go when i'm feeling lost or down. The kids are doing great. Alex has been a great help around the house. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a corner and never come out. I'm feeling down today because even though I tried to keep all doors closed on my heart someone was aloud axcess without my permission. I new it was happening and I also new where it would end. Why is it we cant keep all people out if we dont want to be touched that way. I am usually good at keeping people at arms length. I have learned to control my emotions and not let them be free. So I am very confused to the fact that I have aloud someone a piece of my heart. It has to be aloud because I dont see how someone can just take it away. Anyway all is well, guess its time to put the walls up higher and start dating again. I just hope i can have fun and learn not to let people in. Today is day one again in the stop smoking world. Lets see if I have the willpower to do it. I know I do its just how much I love myself is the question. I know I can do this for my kids. Because they are the only thing that matters anymore and I need to learn to care for them more. These are the ones that need my heart.

January

OK where do i start. I have been meeting new people. This is fun and exciting. You can never have to many friends. I have tried eel, and squid. Won't do that again. I am having lunch today with Judy. Most of you know we are going on vacation together this year. I am so excited about a real vacation. I don't care were it is. Lindsey and I are going shopping Sunday to see if just maybe I can find a new outfit. Good luck with that huh. Never know when I might need something nice. Well, I need to get ready for the day. I have a lot to do and little time to do it in. I will check back soon.

Hello

OK, where have I been and what is going on in my life now. I will probably miss a lot. But those of you who are close to me see me daily and know most of this anyway. Lets see, I haven't been here since before the holidays. So I will try to remember what i can. November, we went to my moms for lunch and spent most of the day there. We went to the kids grandmothers house for dinner. Then went home, i was glad it was over and it wasn't to bad. I don't remember a lot so i may put in some later.
December: New puppy month I got Darcie at the human society. She is part Boston terrier and part beagle. Very lovable and fun to have around. I'm not sure if i have mentioned Milo. Milo is my daughters kitten she found. Poor Milo was getting dressed and going every where. I didn't think this was good for a cat. So I helped him out by buying Darcie. Her name is now princess. Alex got his wolf puppy for Christmas. What a beautiful puppy it is. He got him at 5 wks old. I got lonely so I had also bought some finches around this time also. I love birds they are comforting. Alex got a car that he doesn't have to make payments on. He was still living with friends.
Kaela had me put the Christmas tree up so she could decorate it. This was depressing to me so i put it up and that was that. She put a few ornaments on it but never finished. i did do a lot of things outdoors. It took me several days to get the lights up on the house. I bought a pole to do it with so i wouldn't have to use a ladder. but if the pole would shift the lights would all come tumbling down. Alex and I went shopping . I got a little crazy on yard ornaments. we came home and he helped me put it all up until he had to go to work.
Amber got me into an online dating sight. I have to thank her for some of the excitement in my life. I love are outings, I never know what I might get to eat.
We had Christmas at the hazell's it was OK. I didn't think i was going to go. But it turned out OK. We had Christmas eve at the Vaughan's. That went really well. We had Christmas at my house and than at my moms. I think the best part was Alex stayed the night. I had both of my kids with me. I had a special guy to talk to at this time. He helped make it easier to get threw the holidays. I even spent new years eve with him. What a way to bring in the new year, other than with a new friend. I am sure there is a lot i am skipping so bare with me. I have a hundred things I need to be doing. But what am I doing. Sitting on the computer as usual. Lindsey is like a daughter to me I guess you could say. I think a lot of her. She has brought a lot into my life also. I always love the new books. Twilight is the newest one. She bought it for me for Christmas. I'm dying to get it read so i can go see the movie. I'm sure there is more to be said and i will try to pop in more often. so this is it for the holidays for now.